Am A failure?
Amelia Forbes
The days that followed after graduation were miserable for me. There was no school to attend, no classes to keep me busy, and no studying to distract me at all.
I had nothing to keep myself busy with. So all I did was think. So much that I began to overthink, which meant I started to worry a whole lot more, about every little thing. My anxiety level shot up. And soon, I refused to leave my room.
I was three and a half months pregnant, and inevitably I had begun to show. The corset was too tight to be comfortable and I had to stop wearing it.
I didn’t know what to do. Every time I saw Nana coming in my direction, I would duck into my bedroom and attempt to conceal my stomach with my duvet or blanket.
Soon, she would notice. If she hadn’t already. What would I say to her? How would I explain this. . .
I couldn’t talk to Dani or Benson about it. They wouldn’t understand. And I hadn’t seen Adrian since graduation. I wanted to text him, but I felt like a bother, a burden.
I looked down at the small bulge.
I also noticed I was adding some weight. It was scary. What would the townspeople say? My high school classmates? My teachers? Everyone would know that the rumors were true. Would it affect my records from school?
How would I explain? Would I say I was raped? Nobody would believe me.
A single tear dropped from my eye as I clutched the sheets.
I can’t do this. I can’t deal with this.Content property of NôvelDra/ma.Org.
I was shaking all over now.
“Please go away,” I whispered, anxiously rocking back and forth as tears streamed down my face.
As I heard Nana’s footsteps approach my door, I quickly wiped my tears, making sure to bunch my duvet up to my stomach.
I forced the widest smile as Nana peeked in through the door, signing to ask if she could come in.
I nodded in affirmation, patting the space next to me. Smiling, she slowly approached my bed and took a seat beside me.
The first thing she did was envelope me in a tight hug.
I’m so proud of you, baby, she signed touching my cheeks and kissing them in turn.
Really? I asked, faking a laugh.
Yes you made me so proud. I can’t wait for you to get into college. Your parents would be so proud.
She wiped her eyes, giving me another hug.
I can’t wait too, I signed, struggling to contain myself.
I’m making chicken porridge. You’ll have some right? She asked, getting up probably to check the food.
I nodded.
As she left, I let myself break down.
Soon I’d have to tell her that there was no college for me. Because I was carrying a child. And I dreaded having to look her in the face, as I revealed just how much of a failure I really was.