Falling For The Playboy

EVA

A low, prolonged whistle rang out, causing me and Axel to fly apart as we realized we weren’t alone in the room anymore. Axel landed on his ass on the floor from how fast he pulled away. He got up quickly, turning to face Alex, providing me a view of his body in profile. I looked away.

Oh my God Axel had just been about to kiss me! And I was going to let him!

I tried to calm my racing heart as I looked anywhere but at Alex, who didn’t even seem all that surprised to have walked in on us almost kissing.

Almost kissing! Jesus Christ what had I been thinking?!

“I hate to intterupt your mini make out session or whatever the hell it is y’all were doing, but in case you haven’t noticed -what the hell am I saying? Of course you haven’t noticed- the suite is packed full with horny teenagers that would be safer acting out porn than playing an ‘innocent’ game. ” he cocked a meaningful brow at Axel. “T or D ring a fucking bell? It was you and Henri’s idea. How come y’all are acting surprised and shit? ”

Axel massaged his brows. “Oh shit. Yeah, I forgot about that. ”

“Of course you did. ” he threw a pointed look at me when he said it and I flushed. “Henri is having a hard time containing them all by himself so you might want to come out and get this shit over and done with before an orgy breaks out. ”

I couldn’t even pretend I didn’t know what the word ‘orgy’ meant. I read a lot of romance books with relatively strong sexual scenes so of course I knew what an orgy was and my eyebrows climbed up on my forehead at the mention of the word.

What was going on out there?

“Uh… ” Axel scratched his head, looking thoroughly disoriented. “Yeah. Sure. I’ll be out in a sec. ”ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

“Be. ” With that one word, Alex threw another strange look at me before he disappeared.

I wanted to die. I didn’t want to dissapear or run or hide. I simply wanted to die. Have an arrow launch from a place unknown and pierce my heart there and then. No, death by arrow would be too painful. Maybe just a gradual obliteration where I faded into ashes and out of existence.

That would be preferable. Much more preferable than this thick, unbearable silence between me and Axel.

Who was going to speak first?

What was he going to say?

And would I survive the conversation?

All of a sudden, I was replaying everything he said not ten minutes ago. One by one, the softly spoken words bombarded my thoughts, thoroughly and irrevocably, until there was no escape, until there was nothing else I could think about, but them.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, it’s inevitable to not feel when it comes to certain people…

I guess what I’m trying to say is, you make me feel a certain way…

My breaths grew erratic and my stomach clenched. I shifted slightly, wanting to be so far away from him, yet so close at the same time. I couldn’t make a solid decision when it came to him and I hated it. I pressed my eyes closed when the feelings suddenly became to much to bear.

But with my eyes closed, my other senses became heightened and as the smell of his cologne suddenly grew pronounced, I knew that he was facing me again.

I pressed my closed eyes tighter, wondering if by the sheer force of will, he would leave. That I would magically find him gone.

I opened my eyes.

He was still standing in front of me.

“I…” he ran his hand through his hair sheepishly. “I don’t know what I was thinking when I agreed to Henri’s suggestion of that game. ”

Right. I shouldn’t be distracted. All the while I had been thinking about him and feeling bad for the drift between us, he had been planning out and organizing a T or D game for our class. A game that would lead to mild sexual activities of some sort at least, no doubt.

Mild sexual activities that involved him and other girls.

Didn’t that contradict everything he said before we almost kissed?

Before we almost kissed…

I was seventeen, I hadn’t had my first kiss yet, I didn’t go out except it involved church activities, school activities and the one time I’d gone to that party. The most traveling I’d done was through reading, I was single and hadn’t dated anyone in my entire life and my idea of fun was to grab a book, curl up and read until my eyes bled.

I lead the most boring life any person could ever live -I was probably the most boring teenager in existence- but I hadn’t had any issues with it before. I never stopped to think about how other teenagers lived theirs to the fullest, how they always had stories to tell from the memories they created. I simply accepted that my life was boring and I was at peace with that fact.

But with Axel…. he made me wish I was different. He made me feel like I was different. With other people, I couldn’t find the words to express how I felt, but with him, they came readily. I had gone out on that not-date thing with him when Omar had never been able to convince me to go out with him. Hell, I hadn’t even thought twice about going in for the kiss with him.

He brought out a part of myself I hadn’t known existed, a part of myself that I wasn’t sure I liked. And it didn’t matter whether I liked it or not, I didn’t want it. Which was why Laura’s plan of staying away from him had been a stellar idea in the first place. But I also valued and missed his company and a huge part of me felt like he was genuine with his words. Although those words contradicted some of his actions.

I didn’t like who I was with him -wasn’t comfortable with it, but I also hated seeing him around and not being able to talk to him.

So I came to a conclusion.

“Those things you said….. ”

“I meant them. ” he said hurriedly. “Every single word-”

“I can’t-” I took a deep breath. “Just… no. I can’t. We can’t. ”

I gave my head a frustrated shake. Why was it so hard to find my words now?

“Can’t what, Cg? ” Axel whispered, but I could tell he already understood what I was trying to say.