Chapter 82: My Fault
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“My apologies, Alpha Desmond, but Lady Seraphina does not want to see you.”
My heart dropped upon hearing that from Anderson. “S-She doesn’t want to see m-me?” I even pointed at myself.
Anderson released a sigh. “Alpha, she is well aware that you are the triggering factor for her almost miscarriage. Please allow her to rest.” I could tell that Seraphina had asked him a favor.
‘She… really hates me, right?’ I asked him through mind-linked. Anderson hesitantly nodded.
‘I am sorry, Alpha. Also, it is really best for her not to see you know that you are the cause of why she is bleeding in the first place.’ He smiled sadly at me. ‘She said that you have never been good to her in the first place.’
I could have sworn my heart fell out from my chest to hit the floor. Seraphina’s words were truly heartbreaking. It was equally painful when she rejected our mate bond before she absconded.
I was forced to smile. “I see… I shall try again to see her next time.” My wolf was already howling in pain when I couldn’t do anything to see Seraphina now that she didn’t want to see me.
It was my fault she resented me more. Desmond, what did you do to your mate?
I left the infirmary with a heavy heart as I continued my duties as the Alpha of the pack. I envied Sander as he could go and see his mother whenever he wished.
It had been two days but the manor already felt empty without Seraphina. I could only dine with my son who was observing my silence throughout our meal.
“Is… your Mama getting better, son?” I asked, hesitant when I tucked him into his bed.
Sander smiled, nodding. “Yes, Papa.” I gently combed his hair, reminding me how I adored Seraphina’s golden lock hair. “I asked Mama if you can at least see her but… Mama said that you are not good for her pregnancy. How true is that, Papa?”
I secretly gritted my teeth, feeling guilty more. “It’s true…” I said in a dejected tone. I couldn’t feel my heart constricted in pain. I wanted to see Seraphina so badly and asked for her forgiveness. It hurts that I hadn’t talked to her about how well she was right now.
I could only go there when she fell asleep. That was the only thing I could do.
“Good night, Sander. Will you say hi to Mama when you visit her?”
“Hmm! I shall do that tomorrow, Papa. Good night, too.” He kissed my cheek before he closed his eyes.
In the middle of the night, I went to see Seraphina in her sleeping state. I felt relieved that somehow she was feeling better, unlike that night I had seen her bleeding to death.
“Hi, little one…” I whispered to Seraphina’s bulging stomach who was stable now. “Papa is here to visit you again. You and your Mama are alright, right?” I couldn’t help caressing her stomach. I quickly looked at Seraphina when she stirred. Shit… I hope she would not wake up. I did not want her to be in a hysterical state when she saw me being here. I did not wish to worsen her condition. “I am sorry, baby. Please forgive me. We almost lost you because of me… I have hurt your mother again…” Tears were threatening to fall from my eyes.
I decided to leave quietly. When I was out of the infirmary and returned to the chamber, I couldn’t help myself feeling more hurt for hurting my mate.
My eyes roamed around the chamber where Seraphina also stayed when we got married. This chamber was filled with good and bad memories.
Her belongings were still here. I had never thrown them out even though Seraphina wanted me to. I never wanted to remove them. I would never even do that.
I missed her smiles, her tears, her laughter, her scolding towards me…
“Seraphim… Will you ever forgive me if I offer my sincere apology?” I muttered, feeling more hurt because I couldn’t do anything to reconcile with Seraphina.
She did not want to see me… How much more if I tried to ask for forgiveness that I realized my apologies I said back then were filled with emptiness?
I never did an action to make her forgive me and trust me again. All I did was break her heart more as well as her wolf.
I attempted to go to the infirmary again but Anderson already blocked my way Seraphina was getting angry at my secret visits to her room. She even scolded Anderson and was afraid that I would do something to harm our second pup.
“I never intended to do that… I just want to see her, Anderson…” I begged.
“I am sorry. I am only adhering to Lady Seraphina’s wishes. Please be attentive to her wishes as well,” Anderson said as he bowed his head.
I turned my head to see Niscia who had left the infirmary and was surprised to see me. She exchanged her glances between me and Anderson before she greeted me.
“Greetings, Alpha Desmond.” She bowed her head before she bestowed a meaningful glance at Anderson to make him leave.
I nodded my head, acknowledging her greeting. “Did you… visit Seraphina?”
Niscia nodded as she smiled sadly at me. “You broke her, Alpha.” She didn’t waste any time spouting spiteful remarks about me. “I really thought that you are going to make amends with her because you ordered me to befriend her and watch over Seraphina for six years.” She clenched her hands as she shed tears, glaring at me. “Seraphina will always be my friend but even if you are my Alpha, I am not going to forgive you for hurting her so many times. I am done seeing her being hurt because of your actions and how you forced her into everything she does not even want. You do not deserve her… My friend… What could have happened to her if she had a miscarriage? I swear… I would kill you if she ever had her miscarriage, Alpha Desmond.” Her gritted teeth were enough that she had raged against me.
“Niscia…” I couldn’t help getting more guilty. Niscia had decided to go against me. She was going to rebel for the sake of Seraphina.
I opened to say something but she already bowed her head and left me alone. I clenched my hands, getting more melancholy than before.
“Say, Oakley… I have never done anything right for my mate, right?” I turned around at Oakley who was waiting for me.
Oakley sighed. “Not only that. You have never admitted to others what you have done wrong in your and Luna Seraphina’s marriage. Our pack members are ridiculing her since you are not treating her properly.”
My chest was getting heavier. Had I turned a blind eye and failed to notice it? I thought my pack members were going along with their Luna.
Realization hit me that Seraphina was never my pack member nor a Luna here.
“Fuck…” I punched myself because this was my fault again. “I failed her so many times…”
Oakley didn’t say a word anymore. He couldn’t comfort nor console me now that Seraphina was getting out of my grasp. I couldn’t ask for forgiveness since her heart turned stone-hearted.
Whose fault was that?
Me.
The bastard, coward Desmond Verlice.
I locked myself in my chamber as soon as I was done with my duties. I even ordered Oakley to dispatch the letter that I couldn’t be summoned to the royal palace because of Seraphina’s situation.
I received an immediate response from Alpha King Azarius saying that he understood me.
“Alpha.” I wiped my tears when I was looking intently at the portrait painting of Seraphina and me. “Young Master Sander invites you to have some tea on the veranda.”
“I said that I do not wish to be disturbed tonight, right?” I growled in annoyance at Elron’s knocks.
“But Alpha, young master is persistent. He said that if you are not going to meet him there, it might be too late.”
My heart flipped upside down. Too late for what? I immediately opened the door, creasing my forehead at Elron. “Sander said that?” I parroted.
Elron nodded. “Yes, Alpha. He said that he wishes to discuss something with you. It is crucial, I must relay.”
What did my son wish to discuss with me? It looked like a solemn business.
I didn’t know why but I had a bad feeling about this.
“Fine… If that is what my son says…” I just hope that it was really as crucial as what Sander said.
I went to the veranda as the moonlight guided me where it was. I could smell the cold breeze of the night that made me shiver and made me feel more lonely than before. I saw Sander with his two butlers who were behind him. Sander saw me and waved his hand at me.
“I am glad you came, Papa. Thank you for coming here at my urgent summon,” he said in a beaming tone.
I sat across from him and was offered tea. The freshly brewed chamomile tea lingered in my nose. The scent was faint and sweet which meant that Sander made this.
“Please have some, Papa.” Sander urged me.
“What is it that you wish to discuss with me at this hour? Are you done visiting your Mama?” I asked, bewildered a little before I sipped on my tea.
Sander nodded, smiling. “I want to have a negotiation with you, Papa. I am certain that you are not going to like it.”
I looked at my son with an earnest expression. Sander sounded different today. He was beaming but his eyes were burning in rage. That made my stomach somersault because I had seen my son express that before.
The time he happened to know that I was the reason why Seraphina was crying. It was filled with abomination.
“What is it, Sander?”
Sander smiled, looking happy that I was willing to listen. “Before anything else, Papa, one of these days, Mama will speak to you.”
My eyes widened. “R-Really?” Seraphina would speak to me soon? “She said that?”
He nodded. “But Mama will only tell you that she wants to move to Elian. At the villa house, Papa. The Verlice’s vacation house you gave to Mama.”
I held my breath at what Sander said. She what? She wanted to move out?
“Why?” Was the only word that came out of my mouth.
“Because Mama wants to have peace of mind. She wants to stay away from you, Papa. She wants to protect my baby sibling.” I was about to open my mouth to retort back but Sander spoke up in a frigid tone. “And I think that is for the best.”
“What are you trying to mean, Sander?” I didn’t know why but I felt suffocated all of a sudden.
His amber eyes that he inherited from mine suddenly looked fathomless. The same expression I usually have.
“Papa, from now on, I want you to stay away from Mama. That is the negotiation I am trying to have with you.”