His Nasty Virgin

VIVIAN

I noticed it first thing in the morning. He was the same, but… different. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. The conversation was light. Friendly. Perfectly normal, if you were to look at the interaction from the outside in.

Jesse made me breakfast. Eggs Benedict with a side of hashbrowns and freshly squeezed orange juice. He moved about the space with confidnce, and handled his utensils with care and precision.

“You’re good with your hands,” I said suggestively, eyeing the way he chopped up bits of potato.

“Thank you.” His voice lacked any trace of warmth. I thought maybe I misheard him over the rush of the hood fan over the stove.

When he plated up our food, I asked, “Do you think we can eat in the living room? Watch something on TV while we eat breakfast?”

“I have some things to take care of,” he said firmly. “I’ll give you the remote. I’m sure you remember how to use it.”

“Can you show me one more time? Help me refresh my memory.”

“Sure.”

I sat down on the couch and set my plate on the coffee table in front of me. Jesse didn’t take up his usual spot to my right. He didn’t even bring his food. He bent over, picked up the remote, and pressed a couple of buttons. The projector screen unfurled from the ceiling and the default channel turned on. He handed me the remote.

Perfunctory.

“Uh… thanks.”

“You’re welcome. I need to make a phone call in the other room.”

I gestured like I was zipping my lips. “I’ll be quiet.”

I tilted my head up, fully expecting him to dip down and kiss me. It was just an automatic reaction at this point. He’d spoiled me with little pecks before, so I figured he’d do it again without issue.

Except he turned away and disappeared down the hall.

I sat there, frowning up at the screen.

What the hell?

I shook it off as best I could. Jesse was an important man with important clients. I wasn’t the only one he had to tend to. Maybe this phone call was important. Too important to waste the precious seconds it would take to plant a kiss on my forehead.

I turned off the TV and ate my eggs Benedict in silence. There was nothing good to watch this early in the morning, anyway.

The second time I noticed it, it was just after dinner. He’d spent the whole day locked in his home office.

Not literally. The door was open by a couple of inches. Probably so that he could hear me if I called for help, but he didn’t reemerge from his phone call earlier that morning.

Jesse had given me a number to call to order food. There was a system. I could order whatever I wanted through the security firm. The food would be picked up by an employee at Pegasus Star, who would then in turn deliver it to the safehouse. This way my location would remain anonymous to outside parties.

I ordered a pizza with extra cheese, pineapple, and banana peppers. A weird combination, but downright delicious. It was my go-to combo during my first year of college. Inexpensive. Filling. And a great conversation starter. It helped me weed out the weirdos who were too snooty to like pineapple on their slices.

I approached Jesse’s office with a piece of pizza on a plate. I doubted he’d accept it with him being a health nut and all, but I wanted to offer it to him all the same. The low murmur of his voice reached my ear as I drew closer. He wasn’t speaking English, but Spanish.

“Dejame saber cuando puedes. Gracias, Roberto.”

I poked my head in, transfixed with the lilt of the language rolling off his tongue. “I didn’t know you knew another language.”

Jesse didn’t look up at me, distracted by whatever he was reading on his computer. I wasn’t sure why it annoyed me so much. “It comes in handy sometimes.”

“Where’d you learn to speak it?”

“School.”

“Oh? That’s all?”

“Practiced it with one of my neighbors growing up, too. I think that helped.”

“What was your neighbor’s name?”

“Marco. He lived in the next trailer over.”

I raised my eyebrows, curiosity hitting an all-time high. “You grew up in a trailer?”

Jesse finally glanced at me, looking very much like I said the wrong thing. “Yes. In a trailer park just outside of

Austin.”

I grinned. “You’re originally from Texas?”

“Is that so surprising?”

“I don’t know. Don’t Texans have a drawl?”

“Trained myself not to.”

I tilted my head. “Why?”

Jesse shrugged. “Just because.”

I chewed on the inside of my cheek as the silence lengthened. “Hey, Jesse?”

“Hm?”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No.”

“You’ve been kind of… weird. Short with me.”

“Just tired. That’s all.”

I didn’t believe him for a second, but I didn’t know how to press him for answers. Maybe he was telling the truth and needed some time alone. “I brought you dinner. I know

you don’t eat stuff like this, but-”

“I’m not hungry but thank you.”

I ignored the uncomfortable tightness in my chest. It was hard to not take his attitude personally. Something was bothering him, but he wasn’t telling me what.

“I’m going to bed,” I muttered. “Good night.”

“Night.”

It went on like this for another two weeks. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. This distance. Where the hell did it come from? Was Jesse still mad about me running off to Blue Cloud Financial and just wasn’t telling me? I thought we were past that. I promised never to do it again and meant it, so what was eating him?

Why was he being so cold?

He kept himself at arm’s length. Whenever I entered the same room as him, he’d move to put space between us. It wasn’t obvious at first, but now I was actively looking for it.

He wouldn’t let me near him.

He wouldn’t come close to me.

We were in each other’s orbit, but our trajectories didn’t allow us to collide. He was actively avoiding me and I was done with it.

Was he tired of me? Was that it? Now that he had his fill, he didn’t need me around the same way anymore. Or maybe he was getting bored of playing bodyguard. He’d taken my case on as a favor to Wally, after all. And now that Wally had dipped, Jesse was tired of being stuck with me.

And it sucked. A lot. Because every time I saw him, the tiniest bit of hope kept me yearning. Maybe today he’d be in a better mood. Maybe today he’d tell me what was going on. Maybe today everything would go back to the way things were between us -fun and sexy and wonderful.

At some point, I started sticking to the guest room. Call it childish stubbornness. Call it a woman scorned. If Jesse didn’t want to see me, fine. I didn’t want to see him, either.

But staying in the confines of my room sucked, too. This penthouse was starting to feel a lot less like a safe house and more like a prison. I wanted to go out, for a walk, to the park for a run. To a local coffee house for a hot beverage and buttery croissant. Heck, I even wanted to go back to work.

Maybe not at Blue Cloud Financial, but somewhere. Just to keep my mind busy. These periods of silence were getting longer and longer. There was even a day when Jesse and I didn’t cross paths once, not a single word exchanged. I could imagine my brain turning into goop, so bored out of my mind that I could practically hear my synapses caving in on themselves because there was nothing else to do but listen.

That night, I treated myself to a hot bath. Borderline scalding. My skin was pink and tingling scrubbed clean within an inch of its life. It wasn’t the same kind of warmth

I found it in Jesse’s arms, but it would have to do. Sometimes I’d close my eyes and imagine him in the bath with me, not that he’d ever entertain the idea now.

“I’m just a job to him now, apparently,” I grumbled bitterly to myself.

But the tiny voice in the back of my head told me that couldn’t be true. I saw the way he looked at me. I remembered the way he touched me and kissed me and made me feel like a million dollars. What had happened between then and now to make him act so differently?

With a heavy sigh, I slipped a hand beneath the water and reached between my legs, recalling how attentive Jesse was whenever he ate me out. I tried to mimic the movements of his tongue with the tip of my finger, but it wasn’t the same. Not even close.

I tried to think of his praises, the way he’d shower me in endearments.

Good girl. Smart girl. Angel.

When I came, it was underwhelming. Nothing could compare to his tongue and the stretch of his fingers.

I woke up on Monday feeling bloated. I did some mental math -an easy enough task for a math whiz like myself- and realized I was a couple of days late. My cycles had always been irregular, though, and it was safe to say I’d been under a lot of stress lately. As quickly as the concern crossed my mind, it faded into nothingness just as quickly.

I rolled over in bed. Flipped my pillow to the cool side so I could bury my face in it. In my palm, I held the USB I’d stolen from Blue Cloud Financial. The download, though rushed, had been successful. All the encrypted files I needed were on this drive. I didn’t tell Jesse about it, though. He’d lose his mind. Maybe he’d be even angrier at me than he already was.Property of Nô)(velDr(a)ma.Org.

I had no way of decrypting the files, though. Math and coding used the same alphabet, but they were still two different languages. I supposed I could go online and try to learn a few things, but who was I kidding? I was an accountant in training, not some sort of hacker spy.

Anxiety consumed me. I was losing track of time. Molly had been missing for a little over a month now. From what I’d seen on TV and in the movies, as well as read in books, cartel members weren’t exactly famous for their patience and understanding.

What if I was too late? What if Molly was already-

An errant tear soaked into my pillowcase, darkening the fabric where it made contact. The tears wouldn’t stop, nor did the sniffles. I tried to fight it, but I was tired. Tired of putting on a brave face. Tired of waiting. Tired of staring into an unknown future. My sniffles broke into uncontrollable sobs that I tried and failed to muffle.

There was a knock on my door. It was none other than Jesse. Of course, it was. He was the only one else in this forsaken prison.

“Vivian?” I heard the door handle jiggle under his hand.

“What’s going on?”

“Don’t come in,” I snapped.

“I thought I heard you-”

“I said don’t come in! Just leave me alone.”

“Do you need anything?”

I wanted to scream. I wanted him to stop being such a dick. I wanted him to hold me like he used to. Tell me that everything is going to be okay. That Molly and I would be safe. That he missed me just as much as I missed him.

Fuck, did I miss him? And I hated that I did because it made me realize just how much I cared about him. And now he couldn’t even look me in the eye.