If You Want Me (The Toronto Terror Series)

“Bask in the glory of your hard work.” Hemi threads her arm through mine, a wide, proud smile on her face.

“I can’t believe how smoothly it’s going.” Especially with how anxious I’ve been since my failed relationship conversation with my dad. I’ve been a mess, terrified of the potential fallout. So, over the past two days, I’ve put all my energy into making sure this gala is perfect. So far, it really is.

“It’s all in the planning. You really owned this, Hammer.”

That makes me smile. This evening has gone off without a hitch. The silent auction has been a huge success. Dinner was amazing. Yet as wonderful as it is, my dress feels like a vise around my chest, because the night with a hockey player auction is up next. Maybe, I should have agreed to Hollis backing out. I just didn’t want the questions or my feelings to get in the way of the success of the event. Regret is a weight in the pit of my stomach that gets heavier with each passing hour.

“Hammer, Willy, you two know how to throw one heck of a party.” Dallas passes us each a glass of pink champagne.

Hemi gives him her best death stare and holds up a hand. “I’m not drinking.”

Dallas gives her a patient smile. “It’s mostly strawberry cordial. There’s merely a splash of champagne.”

I take a cautious sip. Like Hemi, I’m drinking soda water with a shot of cranberry juice. People think it’s a cocktail. We’re both on duty, so we’ll save our bubbly for when the guests leave. “He’s not lying.”

Hemi reluctantly accepts the glass but doesn’t sip the drink.

Essie and Rix appear, along with Tally and Dred.

“This is one heck of a shindig.” Normally Dred wears khaki pants and cardigans in pastel colors. Tonight, she’s wearing a siren red evening gown with a slit up the right leg. Hemi brought her as her date in hopes that Dred could help her babysit Flip. It seems to have worked, since he hasn’t disappeared into a bathroom with anyone. Although he has been better the past few months.

“Seriously. I’ve never seen so many hot guys in one room in my entire life,” Essie adds. She’s Rix’s best friend from childhood. She lives in Vancouver and works as a makeup artist and cleverly timed her visit to overlap with the gala.

“Thanks.” Dallas winks at her.

“She wasn’t talking to you,” Hemi snaps.

“Wow, no dickface or asshat attached to that? We’re making real progress in our relationship, Willy.” Dallas turns back to Essie and Dred. “Have you had a chance to meet Alex Waters and his crew?”

“No,” Dred, Essie, and Tally say in unison.

“Well, let’s fix that.” Dallas motions for them to follow.

Tally threads her arm through mine. “I can’t believe I’m about to meet Kodiak Bowman.”Upstodatee from Novel(D)ra/m/a.O(r)g

“I’ve heard he’s actually super sweet and very shy, and his wife is hilarious,” I assure her.

“He always looks so intense.”

Essie is scanning the crowd. “Do you think Kodiak might have any single friends?”

My dad and Hollis are chatting with Alex when we approach. Hollis looks delicious in his black tuxedo. If my dad’s reaction had been different, maybe I could have been Hollis’s date tonight. Then he could have backed out of the auction. But it’s probably best that we put that off. Hollis and I struggled initially because he prioritized his friendship with my dad over his feelings for me. If he does that again, now that we actually have something between us, I don’t know how I’ll recover. I can’t add that to my plate right now. But I can’t walk away from this either. I just wish I could see the path forward more clearly.

I’ve been careful to avoid Hollis for the most part tonight, but it hasn’t been easy. His gaze moves over me, familiar and comforting as we close in on them. His smile softens, and I return it.

Hemi elbows me in the side. “Tone it down with the heart eyes.”

“Dallas, it’s great to see you again.” Alex Waters pulls him in for a back pat and a hug. “This event is incredible.”

“I’m glad you came.” Dallas’s smile is bright, like his last name, as he motions to me and Hemi. “And you can thank this duo for putting on such a kickass event.”

There’s another round of introductions, and I officially meet Kodiak Bowman, who plays for New York along with Flip’s nemesis, Connor Grace. I also meet Kodiak’s wife, Lavender. She’s a tiny thing, but clearly the boss of Kodiak with the way he can’t stop making moon eyes at her. Or touching her. I also meet Maverick Waters, who is a carbon copy of his dad, and his girlfriend, Clover, who, if I had to guess, is a few years older than he is.

Hemi and I get pulled into a conversation with Lavender, Clover, and her friend, Sophia, who doesn’t have a date.

We learn that Clover and Maverick run a place called Lavender House in the lake district out in Wisconsin. It’s where women and families escaping abusive relationships can call home while they get back on their feet. Sophia works with them as their lead psychologist.

“I have a question for you,” Clover says to me and Hemi.

“Fire away,” Hemi says.

“That man right there.” Clover points to my dad and Hollis. “Will he be available in the auction?”

“Clover!” Sophia elbows her in the side. She looks to be in her early thirties.

I grin. “They both will.”

Clover’s smile widens. “That is fantastic news.”

We chat for a few more minutes before Hemi and I excuse ourselves to prepare. I scan the room, and my stomach sinks when I notice Hollis talking to Scarlet. Her hand rests possessively on his arm as one of her castmates snaps photos. I hate how good she and Hollis look together. She’s poised and elegant. Refined.

When Scarlet’s castmate slides her phone into her purse, Hollis steps back, severing the connection. My heart unclenches. A little.

“It’ll be fine.” Hemi squeezes my arm.

“I hate that she can touch him, and I have to stand here and watch,” I murmur. But that’s the tip of the iceberg.

“I know.”

We head for the stage, my stomach twisting as we call on the eligible players. Everyone approaches the stage, but Dallas is missing.

“Of fucking course. He asks to go first, and he’s nowhere to be found,” Hemi gripes.

“Maybe he’s in the bathroom. I could send someone to check,” I offer.

“It’s fine. I’ll get him up here.” She adopts a smile and adjusts the microphone. “Good evening, everyone, and thank you for being here. I’d like to give a special thank you to Aurora Hammerstein, who has stepped in this year to help me co-run this gala.” She turns to me. “I couldn’t have done it without you. A round of applause, everyone!”

I blush and wave, embarrassed and elated by the praise. I’m used to fading into the background unless I’m posting on my dad’s social media accounts.

“Now, we all know what everyone is really here for tonight, and do we ever have a winning lineup of eligible hockey players for you!”

The room erupts into whistles and applause. The crowd can get raucous during the auction. Last year Flip ended up ripping off his tuxedo, like he’d joined a male stripper crew, and stood on stage in nothing but a pair of black dress shoes and a team banana hammock.

Once the crowd calms, Hemi walks across the stage to the empty chair and taps her lips. “Hmm… It looks like our first hockey player has a little stage fright. Oh, Dallas!” she sing-songs. “No time for hide-and-seek tonight! Come out, come out wherever you are!”

He bursts through the doors on the other side of the room, red faced and slightly disheveled, buttoning up his tux jacket as he goes. His bow tie is askew.

“There he is! Let’s have a round of applause for our fashionably late first date, Dallas Bright!” Hemi smiles, but she looks like she wants to murder him, which isn’t unusual.

Dallas pauses to murmur an apology to Hemi, and he hands her a small note card.

“Don’t worry, Dallas. I’ll make you look good,” she tells him.

I’ve never seen the auction from behind the podium, and Dallas seems to be sweating as he makes his way to center stage.

Hemi glances at the card in her hand. Her smile freezes for a second before she folds it in half, tucks it between her breasts, and her expression turns downright evil. “Some fun facts about our first player. Dallas loves long walks on the beach. His favorite food is sauerkraut pierogis, and in his spare time, he dresses up as a clown and makes incredible balloon animals. He loves all things horses and horseback riding. When Dallas isn’t on the ice, he can be found playing Uno with his grandmother, and his favorite TV show is Letterkenny. Your night with Dallas will include an evening at a carnival, complete with a ride on his favorite Ferris wheel, and a photo shoot with Dallas’s favorite clowns! Bidding starts at two thousand dollars.”

Dallas looks like he’s about to faint. Paddles rise all over the room as the bidders go wild—at least until Dallas hits fifty thousand. That narrows things down to two bidders. For the first time in three years, the team owner’s grandmother is outbid, and one of Scarlet’s castmates wins.

“Congratulations, Candice. You’ve won a night with Dallas! We’ll give you a little time to get to know each other!” Hemi’s smile is wooden as Dallas is led off stage by the attractive brunette.

My dad is up next. I don’t need to look at his bio card. “Roman Hammerstein is our next player,” I begin, “starting goalie for the Terror and the most eligible single dad in tonight’s lineup!”

The crowd breaks into a massive round of applause.

“If you’re lucky enough to win a night with my dad, you’re guaranteed the best chicken parmigiana in the city. He’s a fan of nineties rock, but don’t hold that against him because he’s also a secret Swiftie. I would know since I’ve seen him shaking it to her music. He learned how to sew and knit so he could teach me when I went through a brief, but intense, crafting phase as a kid. He loves the outdoors and adores hiking and romantic picnics. Bids start at two thousand for an evening with this hot, sensitive single dad!”

Clover grabs her friend Sophia’s hand and forces it into the air, shouting ten thousand. Other hands raise and bids are shouted, but Dad eventually goes to Sophia (by way of Clover’s hand) for the incredible price of forty-two thousand dollars. Her face is bright red as she meets him at the end of the stage, and he escorts her back to her table.

Flip thankfully keeps all his clothes on, but unsurprisingly, he ends up causing a bidding war between the woman who bought a night with him last year and one of Scarlet’s castmates. Scarlet’s castmate is the winner by five thousand dollars at the cool price point of seventy-seven thousand.

More hockey players are auctioned off—all of them going for more than thirty thousand each—and then, finally, Hollis is up.

My mouth goes dry as Hemi reads his bio. “Hollis Hendrix, number fifty-five. Hollis loves a night in with his adorable rescue tabbies, Postie and Malone, who shower him with their affection. He’s a fan of action movies but doesn’t mind a good romantic comedy. He makes a mean French toast, and his ideal night out includes a stroll through the city and a romantic dinner at his favorite restaurant overlooking the harbor front. Bidding starts at two thousand for a night with Hollis!”

The worst part about this? The evening I arranged for Hollis is exactly where I would want to go with him. Which, in hindsight, was stupid. I went to that restaurant with him and my dad and some of the team for my nineteenth birthday. What I wouldn’t give to be the one raising a paddle…

My mom was right. It’s hard to love him from a distance. To want him with this wall between us. I’ve been so concerned about my dad, school, and my job application that I didn’t consider the most important part of me. I didn’t think about what lying would do to my heart, or how I would handle tonight without the rationalizing shield of ambition or safety.

My stomach flips as several hands rise in the air. Dallas’s previous winner bids, and then someone else across the room, and finally Scarlet raises her hand. It goes around and around, the number climbing until Scarlet outbids everyone by shouting, “a hundred thousand dollars!” The room falls silent, shock clear on several people’s faces. All I can see is the back of Hollis’s head.

Hemi calls for final bids, but all that follows is a twitter of laughter from Scarlet.

“Going once, going twice, and a night with Hollis Hendrix goes to Scarlet Reed!”

Scarlet pushes out of her chair and smooths her hands over her hips. She’s wearing a sophisticated black dress that highlights her perfect curves. She smiles and waves, cameras clicking and flashing as she crosses the room to meet Hollis at the end of the stage. My chest feels like it’s caving in as she pushes up on her toes to kiss his cheek. And then they pose for photos before he guides her back to her table.

I think I’m about to die.

This is absolutely my worst nightmare. Hemi must sense my panic because she gives the wrap-up speech I was supposed to and thanks everyone for their generous donations. I plaster on a smile, but my entire body feels numb. The lights shining on the stage make it difficult to see the faces of the people in the crowd, but I have a clear view of Hollis and Scarlet sitting at the table to the right of the podium.

Her body is angled toward him, legs crossed, arm threaded through his. She leans in close, so her lips are at his ear. He’s smiling, and to anyone else, it probably looks like he’s genuinely happy to have her attention, but I notice the stiffness in his body language. It doesn’t bring much comfort, though. They have history. Deep history. He planned to propose to her, for fuck’s sake. More than seven years ago. And the first I heard of it was earlier this week. Because it was too painful to talk about.

What if she lures him back in? What if he goes out with her and changes his mind? What if he decides he wants to give her another shot because being with me is too complicated? Seeing them like this—her touching him with causal affection, looking at him like he belongs to her—it’s not difficult to believe it could happen.

And now my mind is really spinning. Even if my dad could get over it and accept us, would everyone else? How would people react if it was me on his arm? Would they whisper? Say awful things about him? About me? Would they say the same thing Hollis has? That I’m so young. Would they chalk it up to perky tits and a fun time in bed? Will I be compared to her? We look nothing alike, but I’m the same age now as she was when they started dating.

Hemi makes another announcement as the lights dim and music filters through the sound system. I’d forgotten this part. Every year, the players and their dates take to the floor for the first dance of the evening. And it’s always a slow song.

Hollis pushes his chair back and rises. He holds out his hand to Scarlet. It feels like my heart is being carved out of my chest with a butter knife when she slips her hand into his. Of course she smiles at him, and he smiles back. Of course he guides her to the dance floor.

“You’re okay. Come on, Hammer. Let’s get you a glass of champagne.” Hemi gently leads me to the bar.

“Why did I do this?” The words slip out of me.

“Because you wanted the most money for charity with the biggest splash.” She wraps her arm around my shoulder. “I understand how wanting someone and wanting something for yourself can be so diametrically opposed. It’ll be okay.”

Rix and Tally meet us there. Tristan takes one look at my face and then the dance floor. I half expect an “I told you so” but he just pats me on the shoulder and kisses Rix on the cheek. “Thank you for dealing with my idiot ass,” he murmurs as he walks away with his glass of scotch.

I’m on the verge of a panic attack. What if I’ve pushed him into Scarlet’s arms? What if Hollis won’t pick me when it counts?

Hemi passes me a glass. I take it with shaking hands and gulp the fizzy liquid. “I’m so stupid,” I whisper.

“No, you’re not.” Rix squeezes my arm.

I scan the dance floor, where players and dates sway to the music. I want to appreciate how cute my dad and Sophia look, especially with the way she can’t stop blushing and how he’s smiling so widely the corners of his eyes crinkle. I want to appreciate the incredible success of the auction. How we’ve raised more money than ever before. Nearly a million dollars from the auction alone. Hollis being ten percent of that. But I can’t take my eyes off Hollis and Scarlet. Can’t seem to pry my gaze away from her hand curved around his. Or the graceful way they move together.

“That should be me.” It’s too late to fix it. And I’m terrified of what this means. I can barely watch him dance with her. How will I manage when they spend an entire romantic night together?

Scarlet throws her head back and laughs at whatever he’s said. Cameras click and flash. This will be all over the hockey sites tomorrow. That she bought a night with him. How great they look together. That they’re getting back together.

I can’t watch this. “I need to use the washroom.” I down the rest of my champagne and set the glass on the bar.

“I’ll come with you,” Rix offers.

I shake my head. “I need a minute on my own. Please.”

I rush out of the room, desperate to escape this nightmare.