Too Beautiful for the Alpha

Chapter 10

In the morning when he's gone off to do whatever an Alpha does, I near his bedroom doors hesitantly

as if the ghosts of the people he's slain are pushing me towards them. My hand grips the handle but I

let go as if it is coated in silver. He might kill me if he catches me in here. Okay, I know he won't kill me,

but the man still frightens me, and he takes away things I love. He may just kill my mother if he catches

me in here, but I grip the handle again and push down, letting the door pull me inside with it.

It's cold inside and dark. I feel for the light-switch, then I press them all down, the room dimly

brightening up, just enough for me to move around. The windows are covered by thick curtains and I

don't bother to move them.

His scent is everywhere. It's sneaking up my legs, running its hands through my hair, kissing my lips,

and pulling down my underwear. His scent plays with me and begs me to come lay down, but I try to

ignore the hypnotic smell and continue on with what I came in here to do. My things. I've searched the

house for them—coming up empty handed—so I've decided that they must be in here, hidden off in a

drawer or stuffed in the closet.

I breathe in, making a great mistake. The air, tainted by his everything, floods throughout my body and

rubs up against me. The air wraps around my arms and leads me towards the bed. I stand before the

dark bedding and milky white sheets like a woman walking across the scaffold. I reach out and run my

palms over the blanket—my mind going wild, drifting off to exotic places. How Julianna slept in her

mate's bed and didn't beg for him makes me praise her. Just touching the sheets makes my hands ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

shake. All the things I convinced myself I could live without. . . I need them now. I want them.

Like a dead woman lying in her grave, I fall against the bed and let the sheets wrap around my ankles,

holding me down. I want to be naked in this bed. I can't help it. Every part of my body wants this—the

bond bringing me to such desires, a virgin in the sheets of sex. My hands reach out and grab onto

whatever they can snatch, my right gripping bedding and my left feeling a pillow. I drag the pillow to my

body—his lips have touched this pillow—but looking beyond, I freeze. My heart stops.

In the sea of white in the heart of the bed, a splotch of purple sticks out like a beacon. I sit up in all my

glory and take the piece of fabric into my hands, knowing it very well. This is my pajama top, the one I

couldn't find last night, the one I slept in the night before. It smells like me, the scent slicing through the

addiction that is his.

He took it from my bedroom and now it is in his bed. A deep, wonderful sensations spread throughout

me. He needs me. He needs me enough to keep my clothes in his bed. I don't understand. Why does

he hate me if he needs me? Does he hate needing me? It's back to this, isn't it?

I'm just not good enough.

He has her because I'm not good enough. I'm not pretty enough, not captivating enough, not sexy

enough, not enough. It's not that he doesn't want a Mate—maybe he does, just not me. It's back to this.

It's my fault. It's my fault I'm not good enough. If only I were like the other girls, right? If only I were

them. If only I brushed my hair every morning and wore tight clothes and acted properly and starved

and wore makeup and... But even then, I couldn't change my face, or the size of my breasts, or the

thickness of my hair, or the color of my eyes, or the sound of my voice.

I feel my throat closing up.

I bet he makes her wear the top, pretending that the scent is coming from her instead. I can make her

leave, I can hold her from him, but that doesn't make me any more desirable.

I have to leave. I have to get out of this room.

Hurrying for the door—running from his everything—I slam the doors shut and bolt to my room, leaning

my forehead against the wood once my door is shut. I beat my fists against the door and swing away

from it facing the room with hatred. My hands tear down the bookshelf while sobs of fury erupt from

within. It collides with the floor, and once I start, I can't stop. Bedding is torn from the bed, lamps are

thrown to the floor, the desk is swiped clean and the chair is thrown across the room. I am a raging

monster, destroying all my eyes come upon.

When I'm finished, I sit on the floor, in the middle of it all, shaking.

Gail comes barging in and her eyes widen at the sight of it all. "What on earth? What have you done!"

She looks at me then hurries towards me.

"I can't live like this," I murmur, "I can't live like this. I can't live like this. I can't live like this," my voice

growing louder, "I can't live like this. I can't live like this. I can't live like this! I can't! I can't!"

She grabs onto me. "What's wrong? What's happened? What happened? What happened, Rae?"

"I'll never be her. I'll never be her!" I cry, "I'll never be her!"

"I'm getting the Alpha," Gail says, but I latch onto her.

"You can't. You can't get him. Please, don't! Don't get him!"

"You're having a mental breakdown," she grabs me, trying to make me understand, "I'm getting help."

"I have to go." I stand up and wander to the door. "I can't be here. I have to leave. I can't live like this."

I wander down the stairs and lose sight of Gail. My feet take me to the odd cabinet but it's locked and I

can't open it and I become frustrated and desperate. I turn towards the small library, but the nob won't

turn. The house seems to shrink with me inside, so I stagger outside and gaze up at the sun.

"Are you alright?"

I look down to see a familiar face, it's his Beta, Will. He nears me and I step back. "Can you help me? I

n-need to go home. I live at the Waters Pack."

He looks confused, then I notice Alpha Grant coming this way in the distance. "You're going home?

What for?" The Beta asks, but I continue to back away, not wanting to see Alpha Grant, but he's

already seen me. The air leaves my lungs and they shrivel.

I look back at the house and Gail is in the doorway. In a panic, I run around the house and head for the

only other place I feel safe. I need to get past the borders. I have to get off of this territory. The trees

engulf me and I hurry past them while continuously looking back, fearing him. I come close and I hear

the guards. "You're too close to the borders, turn back."

I keep going.

"Hey! I said turn back!" I look to the side and see two men quickly approaching me. I can't breathe.

They swiftly move in front of me, and I struggle to find my next move. "Are you alright?"

"You need to let me past," I breathe out.

They look amused. "We can't do that. It's dangerous out there. A girl like you wouldn't last a night with

those rogues."

"P-Please. I need to go home." I look back again, and I see him just beyond the trees with his Beta.

"Please."

"I'm sorry. You should go back before we have to move you back," he says.

"Look. I'm going to die here, please," I look back again, my heart racing, he's in the trees. "Please,

please, you have to help me. I have to go home."

They must see Alpha Grant in the distance because they straighten up and one of them grabs me,

holding my arm tight like a troublesome child. "Alpha," they greet him, and I bite my tongue.

"What have you got here?" He asks, his voice playing my heart like a violin. I hate it. I want to scream.

"Some girl trying to cross the borders. Says she wants to go home."

"Really?" He says and looks down at me with harsh eyes. I avoid his gaze and I can't help but cry

quietly to myself. I'm so tired—so very tired. "I'll take her from here."

"Are you sure?" One of the guards asks.

"I'm sure."

Before they hand me over, I beg, "Please don't. Please don't. Please. Please." Alpha Grant grabs my

arm and the other frees me. "Let go of me. I hate you! I hate you!" The guards look surprised and

confused, expecting a reaction out of their Alpha over my words.

"Got a mouth on this one," he says. "Let's go."

Alpha Grant takes me back to the house, and somewhere along the way Will disappears. When we get

inside, Gail isn't in sight, and I don't want to be alone with him. He lets me go once he closes the front

door, and I lean against the wall, desperate for comfort, for something good. "Please, just tell me why

I'm here," I say, looking up at him. "I don't understand why you're doing this to me."

He nears me, walking slow. "What am I doing to you?"

I want to run to him and pound at his chest. I want to scream and yell about her and about my things

and about my top in his bed. I want to cry because I'm not good enough and I'm being punished for it,

but I look directly into his eyes and say, "do you know what you're doing to me? Do you? Do you know

how it feels? I see her almost every night. Do you know what that does to a person?" His eyes watch

me closely. "But you don't care, do you? You don't care how I feel, or how I drink, or how I sit in the

backyard while she's here just so I don't have to hear it. If your goal was to make me feel useless and

unworthy, then you've done that, okay? I don't deserve this. Sorry if I was a disappointment, but no one

deserves this. If you want her, fine," saying makes my chest grow tight, "all I ask is that you reject me.

Don't make me watch."

There is a moment of silence, and just before I think he is going to say something, Will comes through

the front door, immediately destroying the moment and setting me back. I thought he was going to give

me some clarity.

Alpha Grant turns to him as if all of those words never left my lips. As they begin to talk about some

pack related issue, I sink back into the house and vanish without one glance from him.