Unwanted Heat

As Nicholas talks business with a few of the people at our table, he takes my hand in his. I’m grateful for these small gestures; it reminds me that even though he is discussing business, he hasn’t forgotten that I’m with him tonight. When he shifts in his seat to face someone on the other side of the table his leg rests against mine and I find that he is leaning closer to me. As I take a breath, I realize just how good he smells. It’s a mix between what I’m sure is a very expensive cologne and probably aftershave or soap from his shower.Upstodatee from Novel(D)ra/m/a.O(r)g

Of course my mind immediately jumps to what Nicholas might look like in the shower, and I immediately feel my face becoming flush. I have no idea why my mind suddenly went there; perhaps it’s because I don’t recall being this close to him before. I quickly try to focus on the conversation that he is having but with him this close to me I can’t seem to focus on anything other than him. I try thinking of anything to keep my mind blank but when his thumb starts rubbing the bare skin of my shoulder, it becomes a lost cause.

I glance his way but his attention is entirely focused on the man who is sitting a couple seats away from me. I don’t know if he realizes his hand is on my shoulder, his leg resting against mine or that he is this close to me or perhaps he does realize it and this is all part of the image he wants to portray. The reminder that this is only a business transaction is like a bucket of ice being thrown at me… I’m immediately brought back to our contract. I know that everything that Nicholas is doing right now is for appearances only. If it weren’t for Bridget and our contract, Nicholas never would have looked in my direction. He would never be sitting here like this; he wouldn’t be touching me or paying me any attention.

“Your dinner,” the waiter from earlier once again pulls me from my thoughts.

We eat our dinner in relative silence; a few of the guests at our table comment about how good the food is. I nod in agreement although the pasta is incredibly under cooked and the center of the ravioli is cold. It looks as if Nicholas’s dish isn’t much better, he has some type of chicken with what looks like spinach and cheese on top. He hasn’t touched his rice that looks dry and has only eaten half of his chicken.

“Well… was I right about the food?” he leans in and whispers to me.

“Definitely,” I grin, remembering our conversation from the car.

“We’ll go somewhere after this and have a real meal.”

We both manage to finish about half of our dinners before sitting back in our chairs. A few people at our table have finished their meals, but there are several plates half full like ours.

“Ladies and Gentleman, as we wrap up dinner I would like present our first award of the evening. Parker Financial Services has been a major contributor to Children First for the last five years. They always answer our call for donations and this last year their management team spent an entire Saturday out of their busy schedules to help us clean up our newest community center. Without their generosity, less than half of the children we served would have had a place to go after school. We are fortune tonight to have the CEO and founder of PFS with us… please join me in thanking Mr. Nicholas Parker for PFS’s incredible generosity over the last five years.”

Nicholas rises, as does everyone at the table and places a quick kiss on my cheek before taking the stage next to Mrs. Richardson who hands him a plaque in recognition.

“Thank you, Mrs. Richardson. It is your dream and incredible hard work over the last twenty-five years that has made tonight possible. Parker Financial Services is a proud member of this community; we have been incredibly fortunate in that what we do has allowed us to support such incredible, life changing organizations as yours. I know all too well the impact that a less than ideal living environment can have on one’s life and believe that if we can provide the proper supports to children early on, their adult lives can be different.

“Children learn coping skills very early in life; if they do not have them by the time they reach adulthood they will not suddenly develop them. These adults are less likely to seek help because they never had help growing up. These adults are less likely to accept help for the same reason.

“One of the things that drew me to Children First was that not only do you keep kids off the streets after school but you also strive to surround them with positive role models. I love that your community programs operate 24/7 so that no child is left out because of an odd schedule their parent may work. You obviously recognize the needs of our community; providing a hot meal to children who would likely go without at night has a tremendous impact on them.

“All too often, they receive free meals at school but then go home to an empty fridge. How can we expect these children to focus on school work if they don’t have food in their stomachs? The pain that comes with not having enough food to eat is unbearable and not something that can be ignored. I’m grateful that you are one of the few organizations in our community that understand this.

“I love that you continue to provide outreach services to children when they leave your program. We need more organizations like yours that also strive to support children in improving their lives. It is not enough to provide them with the support to help them graduate high school. It’s time we start thinking about how we can help beyond high school. How can we support them in attending a training school, community college, university or in job placement? If we can support them in these areas, they can not only help themselves out of a bad situation but also help their families including younger siblings.

“I want to encourage each of you here tonight to go back to your companies and think of ways that you can offer financial support to a child who is graduating high school this year and has dreams to pursue something more. PFS will personally be providing a full scholarship to one graduating senior this year for up to five years of undergraduate education with the possibility of extending the funding for an additional three years of graduate school. I am committing tonight to awarding this scholarship to one student each year for the next five years. If PFS is unable to fund a scholarship one year due to performance, I will personally pay the tuition bill out of my pocket to ensure that child isn’t forced to stop attending college.”

Holy Shit. I am beyond stunned by Nicholas’s speech. There was so much unexpected in it. I guess I just assumed it would be a business speech, focusing entirely on the facts in addition to thanking the organization for recognizing PFS’s contribution. I was shocked that he took this opportunity to deliver an obviously personal speech, leaving me with so many questions. How does he know about the impact of a less than ideal living conditions can have? When did he have a poor living environment? Was he talking about his own kitchen when he spoke about not having enough food? I remember reading somewhere in an article before our first event that he was adopted when he was a toddler by the Parkers but had spent some time in foster care before that. Could he be referring to his early childhood in this speech? I find myself wanting to know more, wanting to know what made him the man he is today.

The end of his speech shocked me almost as much as the beginning, especially when his eyes sought out mine. I have no doubt that he added the last part of his speech, offering to pay a tuition bill out of pocket, because of the reason I had to drop out of college. I don’t like to think about it, but I know my life would have been very different had I been able to finish. I wouldn’t have taken the crappy job as a waitress where I met him; I wouldn’t have spent a year of my life living in hell with him. I wouldn’t have had to return to the house that I was so eager to escape that I jumped at the chance to live with a man I barely knew.

My entire life could have been different but I will never really know how different it could have been since I wasn’t able to finish my degree. I had no idea that Nicholas had paid that much attention to what I

told him, or that it impacted him to the point where he put it in a safety net to make sure that students awarded the scholarship from his company wouldn’t be stranded if PFS wasn’t able to contribute to the scholarship one year.

The room is applauding loudly for Nicholas and everyone is on their feet as he shakes hands with Mrs. Richardson who is wiping the tears from her eyes. I have no doubt that she was as unprepared for his speech as I was and like me, was moved by his incredible donation. A few minutes later Nicholas leaves the stage, making his way through the crowd, stopping along the way to shake several hands before he finally makes it back to our table.

He takes my hand as soon as he approaches the table. Without giving it a second thought I lean up and kiss him. Unlike every other kiss, this time my lips are on his and they are just as soft as I imagined they would be. His hand wraps around my waist as he takes a step closer to me, pressing his lips more firmly against mine but neither of us deepen it. A few seconds later, Nicholas pulls back just enough so that his eyes find mine. I immediately blush at the realization of what I just did and then guilt washes over me, knowing that I just violated the contract we signed with Bridget. Nicholas doesn’t say anything; he simply pulls out my chair and sits down next to me once again. His hand is still holding mine but his eyes are fixed on the stage as Mrs. Richardson begins to introduce the next sponsor.

I struggle to focus on the next couple of speeches, sort of just going through the motions of clapping after each award is presented. I can’t help but worry about the kiss… I have no idea what possessed me to do something like that. Well I do know… it was Nicholas’s speech. I was so focused on the speech itself and the generous donation he was making that I forgot for that brief moment about out contract. I forgot that this was nothing more than a business transaction, that our relationship truly only exists in a contract stipulating our individual roles that we both signed. I forgot that we weren’t two people enjoying each other’s company tonight. My stupid lapse in judgment may have changed everything between us.

As another person finishes their speech, I try to take my hand from Nicholas’s to clap but he grips my hand tighter. I look at him for the first time since my stupid move and realize that Nicholas doesn’t look right. His face is paler than I have ever seen it and his leg is shaking under the table. I don’t know what’s wrong but I can tell something isn’t right with him.

“Nicholas?”